I feel like this week’s passage is a rule book for life. Essentially, it boils down to awareness; an awareness of how you treat others.
Love without condition; don’t keep score. Don’t do something for someone and expect they will do it in return someday. When you invite someone for dinner, don’t be angry if they don’t invite you later. If you visit someone in the hospital, don’t hold if against that person if they don’t come see you. Everyone has their own rules they live by. Understand that.
Talk without bad intention; don’t gossip or monopolize a conversation. Gossip, I don’t need to explain that. It’s just hurtful. Monopolizing a conversation, always turning it around to make it about you – your hurt, grief, or big event – nobody wants to hear about you, all the time. Contribute to conversations. Be a good listener. Ask meaningful questions. Invite others to speak. Share your news and then include someone else. It’s a skill and gift to have a meaningful conversation with someone, and it’s also fulfilling to make a connection with the person you’re taking with. A gossip or narcissist will never know that loving feeling. Asking someone about them makes them feel like you care about them. It’s special to make someone feel cared for.
Give without any reason; don’t expect reciprocation. When I give a gift, I expect nothing in return. Not even a thank you. If I give you something, it’s because I wanted to, not because I wanted recognition. And if someone doesn’t thank me, I’m good with that. I don’t think less do them. Again, everyone has their own rule book. Respect that.
And, finally, care for people without exception. This one is a bit harder for me because I am such a giving person. Sometimes I give too much and don’t know when to stop. I also have some demanding people in my life who drain me. It hurts my soul sometimes to live by this rule, but I do, because I have so many people who rely on me and need me. I give easily to those who demand nothing from me. They don’t drain me because they don’t have expectations of me. It’s the people who have expectations, who I feel obliged to let in, who physically hurt me. It’s a balancing act to try to not make exceptions and make everyone feel equally welcome. Most days I manage it and then recover in peace.
Being such an introvert, I drain easily. When I’m with a big group of people or demanding people, my battery drains even faster because I try to reinvent myself on the fly depending on who I’m talking with. It can be a lot. Thus, sometimes I do need to make exceptions for the people I allow in, especially since my mom died, because I feel like my battery is never full anymore. It’s called self preservation, and it’s not selfish, it’s essential for survival.
However, as I restore myself, I will try to be more mindful of this final part of the message again. I will try to care without exception. Making others welcome in my life has always been hard for me, but it’s important.
Being aware of how I treat others is essential to how I will be treated. Loving, speaking kindly, giving without strings attached, and doing that without judgement, meaning loving all equally, will make me feel better. And that’s all that matters. It doesn’t matter what others think about me, as long as I am happy with myself. Well, I am happy with myself, because I try to be kind to everyone I meet.
Falling Upstairs 